Thursday, 9 April 2015

How To Make a Toasted Sandwich

I know that most people think that they know how to make toasted sandwiches, but there are often very important steps that get left out, and today I plan to set things right, for the sake of toasted sandwiches everywhere.

So without further ado, here's how to make the bestest toasted sarmie everrrr!

Step One: Get Yourself a Beverage 

Thanks for the cool drinks, Janine!
This step is the first and most important step. It's useful for psychological reasons, moral support, something like that... Especially when the refreshment of your choice contains a small amount of alcohol. Mine contains gin and dry lemon.

Step Two: Quickly Tidy Up

Squeaky clean, like it always is.
This is another vitally important step. Especially if you plan to take pictures of the process of making toasted sammiches, and then upload them onto the internet, where everybody can then see what your stove looks like. Lots of Handy Andy was involved.

Step Three: Equip Thine Self

Pan, check. Cheese, check. Eggs, check. Bacon, CHECK!
To make excellent toasted sandwiches, you need certain tools. These include a pan with a wobbly handle, a spatula, and your ingredients.

Step Four: Heat Things Up

There it is, getting hot and steamy in the microwave.
I like to heat a bowl up so the bacon stays warm while the eggs fry. So I put a tiny bit of water in a bowl in the microwave for about two minutes on high.

Step Five: Makin' Bacon! 

Put butter in the pan. Make bacon. Be sad that it always shrinks as it cooks. But be happy that it will stay warm in your bowl, because you thought ahead. What a clever girl you are! Ahem. I mean, yes, thank me for that tip in the comments, if you like.

Step Six: Get the Eggs Going 

I didn't break any yolks! I deserve a medal for that.
I only eat one egg on each of my sandwiches, but Francois likes two on each one. (He's a growing boy, you know.) I do them sunny side up with soft yolks, letting them cook slowly while I move onto other preparations. I grated the cheese earlier, but there's still other stuff to do...

Step Seven: Do the Other Stuff 

Other stuff like spreading the bestest jam everrr onto the bestest sandwiches everrrr. Grammy and I made this apricot jam together. I'd never made jam before, and Grammy showed me how it's done.

I put a little bit of mayonnaise on the other side, because mayonnaise.

The next step is so important, that if you ignore it, the world just may come to an end. (I'm kidding. I just wanted to fill up the space before the next picture, because huge blank spaces make me feel weird.)

Step Eight: Other Stuff Like Salt and Pepper

Tardis shakers!
Kathryn (my little sister) gave me these shakers for Christmas, and I felt the need to include a picture of them here.

Anyway, put salt and pepper on your sandwich, to your preference. But not too much salt... Because bacon.

Step Nine: Pile it On 

Pile on the cheese.
Pile on the bacon.
Don't be shy.
Use aaaaall of the bacon!
Mmmmmmm. Bacon.

Step Ten: Egg Time 

Four for Francois, two for me!
I broke a yolk a little bit while sectioning them up... :(

But I didn't overcook any of them. They were all perfectly gooey.

These get piled onto the sandwiches as well, in the next exciting step...

Step Eleven: Pile On the Rest 

As mentioned in step ten, pile the eggs onto the sandwiches.

Then pile on more cheese... And maybe some more.

And then close up the sarmies by adding the other slice to the tower.

Step Twelve: More Butter! 

Hey, look, here's a picture of that heat in the form of a flame.
Because butter makes everything better.

Carefully place your sandwich tower into the buttery pan, and then turn the heat way up for toasty goodness.

Add butter to the other side before flipping them.

Step Thirteen: Make Francois a Happy Man 

This is easy to do. Just don't burn the sandwiches. And be me serving them to him.
And don't take random pictures of him while he cuts his sandwiches in half.

He's happy, really! The knife in my face is a friendly gesture of love and affection. No, really. In all seriousness though, he's super pleased about his supper. :P

Step Fourteen: Make Some for Me 

Oh my goodness. LOOK AT IT. I get rye bread 'cause I'm special.
In this final step, I made the sandwiches that I would be eating. When you do this step, you'll need to call me afterwards, so that I can come and fetch the yummy goodness that you make for me. It's only fair, since I gave you all this useful information about how to make these tasty toasties.

Well, there you have it. A very long, wonderfully descriptive, instructional post.
Do I get to go viral now? That's how it works, right? Right?


  1. BWA HA HA! This is so funny AND informative and made me really, really hungry. Lovely post!

  2. I love it! I want some .. and more

  3. Oh my...tears wiped from eyes....funny girl...Grammy's tip of the week. weave 4 slices of bacon to form a square. then fry them with something heavy on top ( a brick will do ) . Voila - a square of bacon so that you can put even more on your sandwich. Actually, I bake them in the oven so that I can do lo
    ts at the same time :-)

  4. I'm still reading this, but I just came here to point out "Squeaky clean, like it always is." Bahahaha! Haaahahahaha! ....... Ok, ok sorry I'll get back to reaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D

  5. Ok I'm done reading. Sigh, I just had a salad for lunch and that sammich looks like the gods crafted it on their day off so it didn't feel like work but rather a labour of love... and my salad-filled stomach is now being all "Really, bro? I get this while other people get bacon and eggs and cheese and toast? Yeah thanks, enjoy your heartburn, punk!" about it.... :D